Heartbreak hiatus

It appears as if I have returned, well not really as if, because this is a post and I am here and I am ready to talk.

As some of you might know, I returned to Denmark this weekend due personal issues and I am willing to let you all in on the gossip.
You see, last week was a little hard and this feels as if I am embarrassing myself, but I promised to be honest on this blog.
Jacob broke up with me... and it's okay. It's okay.

THOUGH THIS GIF IS SO FAR FROM OKAY, OKAY?

There's a few things you don't know about the relationship, yes, it was and felt foolishly perfect, but it was also only meant to last for two months, meaning the time before I left to go here. It can't be planned, this I know now, but you will never find me saying that I regret these past two months of my life. I am so lucky for all I have been given.
To quote The Fault In Our Stars (as we're already kind of in there and it's just brilliant okay pun unintended):

"Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them. But that's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway."

You see, I will go back to this quote in a bit, after I have informed you of the following: I have learned a lot about myself during this breakup. I am not a Taylor Swift. I repeat, I am not a Taylor Swift. I had a tiny, teenie, weenie Taylor Swift moment, which has embarrassed me endlessly, but I'd like to think I have been really mature about all of this.
You see (back to the quote) it's no secret that I care a lot about Jacob. Like a lot. But upon leaving, I also told him I would put the ball in his basket and he could get to decide what would happen. And he did, for personal reasons, which resulted in my minor Taylor Swift moment, but also lead me to the epiphany that I cared for him enough to want him happy and to want the best for him, and if going through with his wish would make him happy, then that was what I was going to do.

You see, I have learned a few things. Disappointment brings out the worst in people, so you need to look beyond your own little nose and see where people are coming from.
Anyway, I travelled back home to talk it through with him, because some things are not meant for skype.

I already knew what I wanted from this, which was his friendship. We used to be best friends and I need that in my life, if that's the least I can get. He is one of the most brilliant people I have ever met and I am not, or was ready to let that go, but it would seem that we're both on the same page when it comes to that.
I am fortunate to have him in my life.

I had another epiphany (yes, I know, hold your horses!), I found this whole thing a lot easier to deal with, when I started focusing on all the good things and how much joy it has brought me and how much I learned about myself and the odd pleasure of fully giving yourself to another human being.
You know, another way to deal is also to realise that some things are out of your hands; sometimes you have got to have hope that there is a bigger plan, this meaning that if it's meant to happen, it will happen eventually at the right time.. and if not, then you shouldn't worry. Don't worry about things you cannot change. Life is unpredictable.

Yes, it's hard. Especially writing this post, it makes me very emotional, in spite of feeling mature about it. It's incredibly hard to know you can't touch them the same way, or be there in the same way, but that's where hope comes in. Hope is what keeps you alive. Hope is what will pull you through.
I guess a truth about sadness is, that it isn't caused by other people really, but rather because you feel all hope leave you and you find the world dark and unbearable, because how could you ever go on - but sadness leaves you eventually, because hope finds it's way back.
Letting go in order to be unselfish will hurt you the most, this I know, but knowing it will be for all the right reasons, will be there to mend you in the end.
And I'll have you all know, that I see Jacob as my best friend still, and it would seem we have it all worked out now, which is good. I am grateful.

So this was very honest, quite hard to formulate and I am crying a little, but in the end, I am proud of myself and how I'm handling this.

I'll keep you updated.
Love, Lea.

Brighton bound

Hello.
It's me again.

As promised in my last post, I have returned. This is because I am travelling to Brighton tomorrow morning and will then be located there for a long time.
Not as long as Gollum was in the misty mountains, but close enough.

hopefully I wont lose my teeth and hair

Anyway, it would seem that the past few days have  been cut shorter than the days that are to come or maybe it's just me, but I'll sum them up for you:

Photo credit: http://instagram.com/p/sQLdbXD1xR/?modal=true

• Thursday: a perfect, chill day with Jacob and his family. Lovely.
• Friday: played a Harry Potter drinking game with my friend Emma before we went down to the local pub to drink my sorrows away and say goodbye to my friends - this was very fun. Got to go home with Jacob, whom I begun the quest of riding a bike home drunk in the middle of the night with. Did I mention I was drunk?
• Saturday: double date with my best friend Rebecca, her boyfriend Kenneth and Jacob. We didn't really need wheels after that, we could have used our bodies, but the comfort of a car was still very nice.
• Sunday: my aunt's birthday and a farewell to my family members.
• Monday: Jacob and I have been living at each other's houses the past week, so it was spent with him. Doing what, I'm not really sure actually.
• Tuesday: Dining with my family and Jacob, this being the last evening I had with Jacob, I also went to say goodbye to his family, who all wants to see me in December, so this is good news. Now I just need to make sure Jacob doesn't run off.
• Wednesday: this morning was the last morning I am going to have with Jacob in months, because of a poorly planned school trip, so it was emotional, but I didn't cry. This is good. Not really, this means I'll cry enough water to sink Atlantis all over again tomorrow.
  Today has been spent packing up my life (no, this doesn't mean I stuffed all my friends in my suitcase.. but I would if I could #NoShame)
  

Today's thoughts are really simple: I don't really want to go.
The big looming, scary and mysterious future is ahead and I quite honestly don't know what will happen to this life and the people in it, but I hope at least some of it stay the same.

This is a temporary thing - this I am sure of, but right now the thought of how long the stay is and how much I am going to miss my friends is almost unbearable, BUT I also know it'll get easier in time - even if it feels like I'm Rachel and I can't get off the plane. Even if Rebecca calls to warn about the phalange.

Tomorrow is somewhat simple. Being driven to the airport by my mum, Rebecca and Jacob, where I'll travel from Billund to Copenhagen to Gatwick to Brighton.
It sounds somewhat easy, but I guess it always does before you find yourself in Timbuktu.

It'll all be fine. Except for the fact that I'll need salt water donations for my eyes.

Before I leave, I'd like to give you a little piece of advice:
If you ever find yourself in my situation, know it's important to talk it through with your partner and make sure both don't get caught up in the stressing situation and end up being annoyed with each other because of it. It sucks, you're both aware of that, but focus on the good.

It's important. It's really important.

I'll update you tomorrow evening when I'm in the U to the K. Oh gosh, they are going to hate me.

Love, Lea.

ps. I'll leave you with this. (because I am going to miss this idiot)